It’s 4:00pm. The hallways are calm and quiet. One teacher is sitting alone in silence in their classroom, starting to plan a lesson they have no energy to finish. An assistant principal is responding to parent messages while mentally replaying three student conflicts from the day. A principal is preparing for the next day’s staff meeting, wondering how to motivate a team that feels stretched beyond its limits.
These are not professionals who lack passion, skill, or dedication. They are some of the most talented educators at our schools. Yet, many are operating in a constant state of survival.
In my years as a public school principal, one thing became clear to me over and over again. Many educators are emotionally exhausted even before the school day has begun, too overwhelmed to be fully present with students, and too emotionally depleted to bring their best selves to students every day. Increasingly, educators are not just experiencing stress–they are dysregulated. In other words, their brains and bodies have been operating in fast-paced “go mode” for so long that calm has become difficult to access.
It is crucial that school leaders understand the difference between stress and dysregulation so that we can respond appropriately. If we assume that school staff simply needs to “persevere” or “push through,” we often lean towards offering more strategies or motivation. However, if we recognize the state in which many adults show up to school, our role shifts from asking people to push through to creating the conditions that help them regulate, reconnect, and do their best work.
Educator burnout is often recognized as the result of having too many deliverables or meetings, working too many hours, and having too many responsibilities to handle in one work day. Nevertheless, while the workload is significant, it is not the only thing that matters.
What if educators are not just exhausted, but rather functioning with a nervous system that has been in survival mode for far too long?
Chronic stress changes the way our brains and bodies function over time.
As an educator, we spend our days making hundreds of decisions, scanning for the next problem, and thinking about the many things that need to get done.
What is the next deadline?
Which student is about to escalate?
Which parent needs a response?
When is my next meeting?
Our brains are wired to constantly scan for potential problems. In schools, that vigilance rarely shuts off. Even during our lunch break, after dismissal, or while driving home, many educators are already thinking about what needs to be done next.
Burnout can manifest in many ways; it is not simply not being able to get out of bed or looking physically tired. Dysregulation can look like quickly becoming impatient, feeling emotionally numb, struggling to make basic decisions, feeling disconnected from students, or losing joy in things that used to feel meaningful.
When our nervous system perceives threat, whether that's a student crisis, a difficult parent meeting, or simply months of chronic stress, it becomes much harder to access the parts of the brain that are responsible for reflection, empathy, and problem solving.
I remember one Monday afternoon during my time as a high school principal when I had spent the entire morning responding to upset parents about a student incident, covering a class because we were short one substitute, meeting with a frustrated staff member, and trying to meet a district deadline. By the time a teacher came into my office for a scheduled meeting, I found myself disconnected and asking questions that he had already given answers to. I was not trying to be dismissive; my mind was in a dozen different places and thinking about the next problem that needed my attention.
It was later that day that I realized that I had not been fully present for that teacher. I was not just busy–I was dysregulated. That is when I realized that to be the supportive leader that my staff deserve, I could not ignore my own nervous system.
Imagine the response that a dysregulated adult can exude when they encounter a student who tests their limits, a colleague who they disagree with, or a parent who is also dysregulated about their student’s grade. Adults co-regulate students, but leaders also co-regulate adults. This is why relational and restorative practices matter so much. Before people are ready to receive feedback or engage in courageous conversations, they need to feel emotionally safe.
I remember one afternoon when a veteran teacher came into my office in tears because she had navigated eight difficult interactions before lunch. Nothing catastrophic had happened, and it was not one student or one conversation that made her reach that point. It was the cumulative weight of carrying everyone else’s needs while suppressing her own. She looked at me in tears and quietly said “I don’t know how much longer I can keep on doing this.”
That conversation stayed with me for weeks. It pushed me to reflect on the questions that I had as the leader of the school, and instead of wondering “How do I encourage staff to do more?” I started asking “What conditions do we need to create for people to do their best work?” Knowing that I could not eliminate every challenge educators faced, I realized that I could be more intentional about the type of environment that I helped create.
Over the years, those reflections have shaped a few leadership practices that I continue to apply to help the adults that I work with regulate, reconnect, and thrive.
1. Slow down before trying to provide a solution. When a staff member comes into your office filled with frustration, resist the urge to immediately jump to suggestions. People regulate by feeling heard and understood before they are ready to problem-solve.
2. Make emotions discussable. At staff meetings we often rush past emotions because we prioritize the agenda and slides we planned. However, creating the space to name and talk about emotions does not derail the work–it often makes the work possible.
3. Create opportunities for adults to belong. We largely focus on thinking about how to support students' sense of belonging, and we should be just as intentional about creating the same sense of belonging for adults. This could look like having staff circles instead of a training, check-ins without a need for observation or feedback, and staff celebrations for educators to feel seen and appreciated.
4. Replace blame with curiosity. As school leaders, we will encounter instances when someone does not meet an expectation. Rather than to be quick to jump to blame, focus on finding out "what need is underneath this?" and asking "what happened?".
5. Repair relationships quickly. Whether it is a relationship between you and another educator that underwent a small rupture, or one between others, it is important to talk about it and repair the harm soon after. Ignoring it can damage trust and create even more stress within the team.
During my years as a school leader, I learned that school culture, which includes students and adults, is not built through core values on a wall or slogans. It is built in the small moments, including how leaders respond when someone is overwhelmed, how we show up for one another, and whether people feel safe enough to ask for help and admit that they are struggling.
If we want calm classrooms, we need calm adults. If we want students to feel safe and like they belong, adults must feel safe and a part of the adult community. Regulation is a leadership responsibility that can truly impact the future of our schools.
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