We cannot grow a strong plant in a broken pot.
Restorative schools do not simply teach about relationships; they embody them. The relational culture among adults is the soil in which student behavior and learning take root. When adult culture is fragmented, characterized by cliques, mistrust, or unresolved conflict, students experience that fragmentation implicitly. As the saying goes, one cannot grow a healthy plant in a broken pot. In many schools, the primary challenge is not student behavior, but adult culture. Without relational safety among staff, efforts to foster student regulation and connection are undermined.
Neuroscience helps explain why adult relationships matter so deeply. Research on interpersonal synchrony demonstrates that when individuals experience empathy and connection, their nervous systems begin to align through shared affect, mirrored expressions, and coordinated physiological responses (Cirelli, 2014; Feldman, 2007). This synchrony supports co-regulation and trust. When educators experience this level of connection with colleagues, they are more capable of extending it to students. Conversely, when staff environments lack right-brain engagement, emotional attunement, and psychological safety, fragmentation becomes the norm rather than the exception.
Educators today are operating under unprecedented levels of stress. High workloads, accountability pressures, and ongoing social challenges have contributed to rising rates of burnout and compassion fatigue among school staff (Herman, 2018). Chronic stress does not remain contained within individuals; it permeates systems. Developmental research distinguishes between positive stress, tolerable stress, and toxic stress, with the latter emerging when stress is prolonged and unbuffered by supportive relationships (Shonkoff et al., 2012). The most effective buffer against toxic stress is not a program or policy, but relational support.
Healthy relationships also require the capacity for healthy conflict. In psychologically safe environments, individuals feel secure enough to engage in difficult conversations, voice concerns, and challenge ideas without fear of retaliation. Restorative cultures do not eliminate conflict; they create conditions where conflict can be engaged productively. When safety is present, disagreement becomes a source of growth rather than division. This applies as much to adult teams as it does to students.
Ultimately, prioritizing the human must come before prioritizing systems, initiatives, or outcomes. Schools that center relationships acknowledge that learning, behavior, attendance, and culture are all relational phenomena. By investing in adult cohesion, modeling regulation, and fostering environments where connection precedes correction, restorative schools create the conditions for students and staff alike to thrive.
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